she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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