You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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