Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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