I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
