Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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