He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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