watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
