I think im going to throw up on grandma
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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