You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
