If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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