Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
