I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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