i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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