let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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