Life is so much better after having sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
