i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
