I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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