i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
