..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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