There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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