keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
