i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i have herpe
just one?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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