I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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