if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
