doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
