It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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