We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize