it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
