My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
