apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
