I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
