Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
