So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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