Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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