Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
