I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
