____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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