yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
