we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
