please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
