if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
