I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is the high leading the old right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
