i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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