it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
