Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
