laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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