Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
