How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
