you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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