i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to make out with him forever
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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