google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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