I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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