He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
