Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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