so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
