True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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