All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
