Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
