you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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