When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
