WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
