I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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