she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
