he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
