i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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