That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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