K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
