wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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