So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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