now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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