Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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