Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
