Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
