At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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